


Sweet Heart

by GamblingDementor



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Friends With Benefits, non endgame Carla/Vanessa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 05:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: "So you have… I mean, boys and girls?""Yes, Carla, I have," she says, easy as that, "I'm bi.""I…" Carla loses her words but finds them again before Vanessa can tell her to be done with it. "Me too. I think me too. I mean, not boys. But… but girls…"It takes Vanessa a couple seconds to process Carla's broken confession, seconds which seem pure hell to poor little Carla, a deep shameful frown on her face as if she'd just admitted to murder.Vanessa teaches Carla the sapphic arts.





	Sweet Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing this pairing and I found those dynamics really interesting!!! I hope you'll enjoy it as well.

Vanessa hates coming out as bisexual. Having that conversation is opening a whole can of worms she would rather not deal with and the whole package of their dumb questions strikes her in the face. Is she sure? Wasn't she dating that boy last year, what's up with that? Is she just a lesbian who needs time to know herself better? Is she up for a threesome? Does she love sex, and is it better with a man or a woman? Why doesn't she dye her hair blue and pink? Has she ever cheated? Vanessa doesn't hate herself enough to open herself up to that kind of discussion.

 

Unfortunately, even more than the insulting questions, she hates the assumptions that she's something she actually is not. Vanessa is exactly who she is, for all it grants her. Maybe too rough, too in-your-face, but it's brought her this far in life. She'll never pretend to be anything she's not. And she's not straight. So, as much as she hates it, she has no other choice but to be open about who she is if it ever comes up.

 

"No, Carla, she wasn't just a really good friend, we used to date," Vanessa sighs as she spies through the salon window, watching her ex walk away.

 

"Oh," Carla's whole face scrunches up in confusion. "Okay."

 

In the best of worlds, people would instinctively know. She wouldn't have to tell them, wouldn't have to have that conversation, and they'd just see plain on her face that she doesn't let gender limit her preferences. But at the very least, Carla isn't malicious in her questions. That's not just part of her character in any way.

 

Vanessa watches the back of Mona walking down the street, away from the awkwardness as she accidentally walked into the salon where Vanessa works. A horrible coincidence only weeks after a nasty break-up, but not as nasty as Carla's eyes bulging in curiosity since she felt the tension between them. Finally, Mona turns the block and Vanessa snaps out of it to find Carla still staring at her eagerly. She ignores her and gets back to work, cleaning up the shelves where they stock the shampoos and lotions. One minute, two minutes, and still she feels her eyes burning on the back of her head.

 

"What?!" She bites.

 

"Oye," Daniela chides her from the other side of the salon. "Watch your tone."

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes before turning to Carla and pasting a fake smile on her face.

 

"Yes?" She asks, much softer because she is not giving Daniela that stick to beat her up with. "What is it?"

 

Carla feigns surprise but, after some fuss, gets closer to whisper secretively.

 

"So are you, like… you know…"

 

Her fingers interlock weirdly and it's all Vanessa can do not to sigh.

 

"I'm bi," she says, easy as that.

 

Some people just need to hear things plain. Sometimes, Vanessa wishes that purple were her color and she could just wear who she is for all to see, bisexual pride flag everything, but she won't sacrifice her fashion sense for her confidence.

 

"So you have… I mean, boys and girls?"

 

"Yes, Carla, I have," she says, a little bit annoyed as she walks to the new customers who just passed through the door, chimes ringing to mark the end of this conversation. "With boys and girls."

 

"Wow…"

 

Silence radio from Carla for an hour or so, which Vanessa is grateful for. Hopefully, now that she knows, Carla will leave her alone with it. Hopefully.

 

"Well, mi amor, you should go home," Daniela tells Carla after the last customer of the night has left. "Vanessa can clean up."

 

Vanessa glares, but she did arrive more than a little bit late in the morning. Fair is fair, although Daniela can't blame the line at the bodega on her.

 

"Oh, that's alright," Carla peeps in her pretty little voice. "I'll help."

 

Daniela squints her eyes suspiciously between the two of them but shrugs.

 

"Bueno, pero don't be outside too late, both of you."

 

A warm hug for Carla, a more reluctant one for Vanessa, and Daniela is out the door. Vanessa's least favorite part about this job is probably, well, every part of it if she has to be honest, she can't wait to be out of this shitty block, but more than the rest she hates cleaning up. She has quite enough of that at home, thank you very much. She sighs heavily as soon as Daniela is gone and starts to work − she has no intention of making it last more than it needs to. All too busy with the broom, she never notices Carla fidgeting by the vanities until she catches her staring again. As soon as their eyes meet, Carla gasps and drops a nail polish bottle. When she stands back up, her face is as bright red as the polish itself. Vanessa pauses and, almost despite herself, forces herself not to roll her eyes and asks politely instead.

 

"What's the matter, Carla?"

 

"Oh, nothing, nothing…"

 

She gets busy, ostensibly turning her back to Vanessa but she's barely started sweeping the floor again that Carla is back to staring. This time, when Vanessa catches her, she keeps her gaze up and nods resolutely.

 

"I…" She loses her words but finds them again before Vanessa can tell her to be done with it. "Me too. I think me too. I mean, not boys. But… but girls…"

 

It takes Vanessa a couple seconds to process Carla's broken confession, seconds which seem pure hell to poor little Carla, a deep shameful frown on her face as if she'd just admitted to murder. Vanessa tries to smile reassuringly.

 

"Alright," she replies.

 

She can see that, actually. Not that there's a lesbian flag plastered all over Carla's face − although she is questioning some of her outfit choices now, whether the color palettes were arranged on purpose − but she cannot for the life of her remember Carla ever showing interest in any boy. At all. In a couple years of spending every day at the salon with her. Vanessa never thought anything of it. Not everyone has to be boy crazy. Neither is Daniela − it doesn't mean anything. Other people's business is theirs only, she's always respected that, and if they would only stop sniffing into her own affairs, it'd be perfect. Maybe Carla's coming out sheds light onto a few past moments and conversations. Well, then. So Carla likes girls. Good for her.

 

Or so she thought but as she gets back to work, she can still, for what feels like the thousandth time today, feel Carla's eyes on her.

 

"What _now_?"

 

Carla's frown deepens. It's so rare to see her without a smile on the lips that Vanessa is taken aback.

 

"That's it?" Carla asks, her voice breaking a little.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

There is a sudden stillness to the salon. Nothing has changed, of course. The shampoo bottles are still all aligned by color, like Daniela requests. Vanessa's high school photo face down, like Daniela despises and fixes every morning, but Vanessa hates seeing her face on the shelf and hides it every night. Everything is as it was a minute ago, but the vibe has switched like night and day. Carla's side of the salon emanates a frustration that Vanessa senses even ten feet away.

 

"It's _important_ ," Carla says. "I've never… I've never told this to anyone. Ever. And you just say 'Alright'? Vanessa, that's…" She puts a hand in front of her mouth to stop the bad words, shakes her head and starts again. "I just thought this was bigger than that."

 

Vanessa stares at Carla, leaning against the vanity and hugging herself and for the first time in her life, Vanessa notices that she looks a little bit cute. Damn her stupid mouth. Sometimes she wishes she'd have Nina's smarts in more ways than one − Nina never would have slighted Carla this way.

 

"I'm sorry," she says, tries to sound kind. "Of course it's important."

 

She should have thought it over more. Of course, some of her former lovers were like this, making a big show of being hit on by another girl. Some were expecting it. Each of them had a different experience, a different reaction and Vanessa shouldn't have expected Carla to not think much of her preferences just because Vanessa herself doesn't give much credit to her own. It doesn't work that way. Carla doesn't work that way. Tentatively, she walks over and puts a hand on Carla's shoulder. Carla's arms drop to her side, then behind her as she leans on the table in a much more relaxed way. She even gives Vanessa a smile, albeit a very forced one.

 

"So, erm… You're a lesbian?" Vanessa asks, feeling very awkward.

 

Carla's eyes widen in fear at the word but she nods.

 

"And you never said?"

 

"No, I've never…" Her voice drops dangerously low. "I've never been with a woman, I just, I know it's for me."

 

Vanessa wants to smirk.

 

"If it's being with a woman you want, there's clubs I can recommend, just go to the…"

 

She knows by Carla's face that the suggestion is horrendous to her.

 

"Van, I can't just… I can't just do it with a stranger."

 

"Why not?" Vanessa shrugs.

 

Carla stares in disbelief before turning around and getting to clean up the tables, shaking her head.

 

"That's not how it's supposed to be," she says, slamming the nail polishes almost roughly inside their box. "It's why I'm still a… It's why I haven't found the right one yet. I want someone I can trust, but I don't know any other…"

 

 _Any other lesbian?_ Vanessa wonders. _Or would any girl-loving girl do as well?_

 

"Well, you'll find her," she says and tries not to sound so hesitant. "That someone you can trust."

 

Carla finishes up the cleaning and smiles at Vanessa.

 

"Thanks."

 

They finish the after hours work perfectly early enough for Vanessa's taste. And even more to her taste, in silence.

 

The following days, after knowing this about her, Vanessa starts to take notice of Carla much more. Things she'd missed but that seem so obvious now. The way her eyes linger, her fingers sometimes. The way she catches up her hands before her heart as if to stop herself from touching. A smile that looks too forced to be genuine after certain jokes from customers. Gesture after gesture and the lesbian flag all over her face starts to feel real.

 

"Carlita, your curls are beautiful, you know that, but aren't they getting a bit long?" Daniela asks, playing with Carla's hair from behind as she's sitting at a chair on a slow day, re-applying her make-up. "You usually trim them right here," she shows the length with her fingers.

 

Carla puffs up her hair with her hands, considering it, and nods.

 

"I can do it for you," Daniela says. "Let me grab the…"

 

The door chimes open and as soon as the customer comes in, Daniela shrugs apologetically.

 

"Another time…"

 

"Oh no, that's alright, Vanessa will do it," Carla smiles.

 

"I will?" Vanessa asks.

 

"She will?" Daniela asks.

 

Carla reaches over to grab Vanessa's hand from where she was filing her nails.

 

"Yeah, I trust her," she says.

 

Daniela eyes them critically but nods in agreement and walks over to handle their customer. Vanessa suddenly feels a weight in her chest at Carla's words, last week's conversation still very fresh in her mind. It gets even heavier the longer Carla's hand lingers in hers. Her palm is almost sweaty when she finally lets go.

 

"You remember?" Carla whispers timidly.

 

Vanessa handles Carla's curls carefully, gently. She has Daniela to face if she messes up.

 

"Yes, I remember," she whispers back.

 

"Would you…" Carla starts, loses her words and doesn't find them again until three scissor cuts later. "Would you be okay with that? Being my fir… Doing that?"

 

Vanessa thinks about it. She can be impulsive, sure, but on the daily things that don't matter. And this feels like it matters to Carla, more than a lot. She tries to see herself in Carla's bed, or Carla in hers… Her fingers dig into her hair gently, brush the curls before cutting the tip. Can she imagine herself with hands buried into her hair in a much messier context? Can she imagine her fingers playing with Carla completely differently? Can she imagine Carla's sweet little voice getting musky and breathless? Carla bites her lip, waits for her answer.

 

"Sure," she says, but then remembers how hurt Carla seemed when her reaction was less than overwhelmed the other day. "Yes, I'd love to."

 

"Oh!" Carla breathes out in surprise, her mouth a lovely O shape with her nice shade of pink lipstick. Very cute. Very _very_ cute. She wouldn't mind smudging it.

 

Vanessa never knew that cutting someone's hair could ever be sexually charged, but here she is and under her fingers, Carla is buzzing. She presses a hand on her shoulder.

 

"Quiet," she whispers. "She'll notice."

 

Carla nods feverishly and lets Vanessa finish her work on her, as careful as she tries to be.

 

All days of work have been long and boring at this hell place, but today is by far the worst. Carla's shy little smiles throughout the day, and Vanessa's thoughts being insufferably overwhelming, and Daniela being ever so _Daniela_ all day long. Vanessa doesn't think she's noticed anything too specific. Oh, she asks Carla to stop fidgeting a few times and there's a few pointed looks thrown Vanessa's way, but nothing in particular suggests that she knows about their exact shenanigans. Still, she's ever so relieved when Daniela leaves right on time, claiming gossip and knit night at Abuela Claudia's cannot wait.

 

Carla shuffles around awkwardly as soon as they're alone and for once, Vanessa is glad to have some cleaning up to do. She knows a bit about wanting space. Besides, that'll get Daniela off her back in the morning if she gets that part of work done. She sweeps the floor, clears the vanities, and she's just stepped inside the backroom to put away their aprons and utensil belts that she hears the door shutting behind her and the air turns electric.

 

"Erm…"

 

She turns around to find Carla much closer than she was expecting, biting her lip. She's applied a bit more lipstick at some point. So cute. Even cuter when the bite turns into a lick and suddenly they are closer than they've ever been, Carla leans in and Vanessa gets a taste of pink cherry. Carla, dear

twenty-five year old maybe, most likely virgin Carla, kisses like Vanessa holds all the secrets in the world and she's out to find them out. Also like this is her first ride in the park but it can't be, Vanessa thinks, she can't be her goddamn adult coworker's first kiss. But then, how Carla clings to her… She puffs up and tells herself that it must just be the only good one she's had.

 

"Oh," Carla peeps when she breaks the kiss, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry!"

 

Vanessa smiles. Cute, cute, cute. Gently, she pulls on her hands, one then the other, uncovering her pretty face. Carla won't meet her gaze and she puts a finger under her chin to have a look in her eyes. The rashness of the impromptu kiss is hidden there somehow, the passion that was there is somewhere under the thick layer of embarrassment.

 

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she replies and slowly, she leans up to kiss Carla again.

 

She could enjoy this a whole lot. She really could. Carla is soft and sweet, but there is a raw hunger in the way she responds to the kiss that Vanessa was not expecting and this is exactly her kind of surprise. Even more, after not too long at all, Carla has pushed her against the wall − with the gentleness of a dove, of course, but nonetheless. Her hands are cupping Vanessa's face more firmly, the confidence clearly awakening in her with every passing second. She's pressing up Vanessa's body against the wall, sandwiching her between hard and soft, first to crave the contact but there is a lasciviousness to it as well. Hands at Carla's hips, Vanessa can scarcely believe their slow and seductive undulating against her.

 

"Carla," she manages to let out.

 

"Oh, Vanessa…"

 

Fucking _cute_ , the way she says her name like a whimper, but then Vanessa squeezes her hips tight to get a reaction and Carla squeals in the best surprised way.

 

"What?!"

 

Vanessa keeps Carla close, of course. There is something soft and comfortable about her thin hips between her hands.

 

"We're not gonna fuck in the backroom of the salon," she says.

 

Carla groans and her face drops into the small of Vanessa's neck.

 

"We're not?"

 

"Not in here," Vanessa repeats and it takes Carla a few seconds to process the meaning.

 

Carla is so fucking cute. Vanessa can't handle it. All throughout the messy night, she can't believe it. Before banging her, and all the handholding and the smiles and the whispers as they walk all the way to her place, the nervous promises. When they do it, the shyness quickly fading away, the little whimpers and the enthusiasm, god, the energy. And the glorious afterglow, Carla snuggling against her, twirling her hair, something she'd never let her one-night-stands do but who is she to refuse Carla anything after her very first time?

 

"This was nice," Carla says, her little voice all tender and impressed.

 

Vanessa doesn't generally settle for "nice". She takes − and gives − it hot and passionate and fiery. And short lived. When it's done, she shoves her ever temporary partners out the door, but they're at Carla's flat now and she can't exactly decide that Carla is no longer welcome in her own bed just because it witnessed so many things for one evening.

 

"Yeah," she says. "It really was."

 

Carla's breath is hot at her neck and her leg slides between Vanessa's, soft and pliable. Her whole body feels soft around her, like the warmest blanket.

 

"Can I admit something?"

 

Vanessa loves the sound of that voice, so different from the salon. She nods.

 

"I'd never… I'd never done anything at all before."

 

 _Yeah, no shit_ , Vanessa thinks. Not that Carla was bad at this, not by any means. After she grasped how things were going, she was nothing but an impeccable student and Vanessa's orgasm was anything but faked. Still, there was no mistaking her hesitancy and inexperience. Vanessa wonders how she fared as someone's first.

 

"You were good," she says.

 

"Really?" Carla asks, too eager. "Was I?"

 

"Yep," Vanessa says, squeezing her a little for good measure. "This was sweet."

 

It happens again. That very night to begin with, a second round, but it happens again the next, and again a few days after, again and again and before Vanessa can understand what's going on, Carla has smiled her cute way into her life, spending the night in each other's bed as often as not.

 

"We need to set some rules," Vanessa says a couple weeks later and wishes she'd said so earlier, from the very beginning.

 

Carla, who was snuggled into her side, braiding a strand of Vanessa's hair gently, stops her artwork and looks up.

 

"Mmh?"

 

She smiles, of course. Carla always smiles, Carla always giggles, she always kisses like she's sunshine and rainbows. She's sweet, toeing the line of exceedingly so, and yet Vanessa feels drawn to teaching her night after night the art of being into girls.

 

"Rules," Vanessa repeats. She checks her phone − nothing from her mom, thank God, even if it's much later than she usually comes home. "Between us."

 

"What do you mean?" Carla asks, scrunching up her nose just so, like a little squirrel. Vanessa breathes. Carla keeps pulling shit like this, always the adorable one, but they need to set some distance, cute or not.

 

"This is just sex," Vanessa states plain and simple.

 

She'll never let herself not be clear enough on that front, not after Mona. Carla's soft little smile fades away so briefly that Vanessa almost imagines it was even gone at all. She starts braiding Vanessa's hair again, not looking at her.

 

"Of course," she nods. "What else?"

 

"No feelings, no meeting each other's parents, no couple stuff, no telling anyone."

 

At that, Carla knits her lovely well-shaped eyebrows that Daniela works so hard on.

 

"Anyone at all?"

 

"No telling Daniela," Vanessa insists. "Never, ever. You understand?"

 

Whether Daniela has any clue, Vanessa cannot say yet. At the salon, nothing has changed. Vanessa goes to work every day, and during work hours she's Carla's polite, albeit a tad grouchy coworker. At night, Vanessa isn't even going to the club all that often, because what's the use of picking a one-night stand when you can just invite over your cute little coworker who is all too eager to dip between your legs and show how good of a student she's been?

 

Her first mistake was letting her home, of course. It's always the same. Just like Nina, who Vanessa let see her place once, and the worry didn't stop for weeks until Vanessa threatened to stop hanging out if Nina didn't cut it. They see her shitty little horrid mess of a home and they think that she's a charity case. They see her mom and take Vanessa for Cinderella.

 

"Was that your…" Carla asks as soon as Vanessa drags her to her room.

 

"It was nothing," Vanessa replies, grabbing Carla's hips to pull her into a passionate kiss and make her forget the vague shape of her mom crashed on the couch, a bottle still at her hand on the floor in her drunken sleep. She shimmies out of her skirt and grabs Carla's hand, pulling it between her legs. "C'mon."

 

Carla is easily distracted, of course, and still so adorably befuddled whenever she touches her, but Vanessa's hope that the subject is closed is all too short-lived. The next day, there's not one pair of large brown eyes on her but two and Daniela's are scrutinizing, searching for a reason to hand out her pity. Vanessa keeps her head high and ignores their stares.

 

"Mija, if you ever…" Daniela starts.

 

Vanessa tries to cut her with a glare. Carla has gone to greet the first customer in a fake cheerful tone but Daniela is not so easily dismissed, never was.

 

"What?" She replies, as closed off as she can.

 

Daniela weighs her words and she seems about to take a step towards Vanessa to do God knows what when there's a squeak coming from Carla, who just dropped a bottle of shampoo.

 

"I'll handle it," Vanessa says and drops to the floor to wipe it clean, only to find herself eye to eye with Carla.

 

They don't say anything for a few seconds, purposely avoiding each other's gaze. Vanessa is furious, and yet cannot find it in her to direct that anger at Carla. Carla is many things, somewhat holier-than-thou and definitely way too nosy after last night, but she's sweet and deep down, Vanessa knows for sure that she meant no harm. _You idiot_ , she thinks to herself, _you had a handful of rules and you already broke one. No meeting each other's parents._

 

"No telling anyone," she mutters and stands up before she can see Carla's reaction − she's not sure she wants to know if that rule has already been broken or not.

 

She tells herself that this cannot keep going if Carla takes such risks, if she opens the door to Daniela and the whole barrio being made well aware of Vanessa's life situation, but the minute Vanessa tries to decide in her mind that she's going to tell Carla that this is all over, Carla gives her a little smile from across the shop, a little wave, a sheepish shrug, and Vanessa's heart wins over her brains. Or the tingles on her skin when Carla's hand brushes against her arm a few times throughout the day and she remembers how much fun they've been having and wonders why she would want to put a stop to it.

 

She's lost all her judgment, she tells herself over the next couple months. She's completely lost it, all signs of a human brain in here. The risks are ridiculously high and yet she keeps inviting Carla into her home, into her life.

 

"It's my birthday next week," Carla says. "On Thursday."

 

"Mmh?" Vanessa asks.

 

They're at Carla's this time, the blur of bright colors that is her room. Vanessa was about to leave, but then, sitting up from the bed, she has been staring at a small pride flag on Carla's wall near her closet. _How cute is that?_

 

"My birthday," Carla repeats. "I'll be twenty-six."

 

Vanessa frowns, already standing to her feet to grab her clothes back from the floor where Carla dropped them.

 

"You want a present or somethin'? Wait, did you say Thursday?"

 

There's something shy about Carla's voice, like she was dreading whatever Vanessa was going to say and her worst version of the event has just come to pass.

 

"I just thought we could…"

 

"Carla, we're not spending _Valentine's Day_ together."

 

"It's my birthday!"

 

Vanessa looks at her, sighs, and pulls on her tights. Of course, sweet, perfectly perfect Carla would be born on Valentine's Day. When else?

 

"I'll buy you a cookie," she says and that's the end of that.

 

Carla wants more, Vanessa knows and chooses to ignore. It's already enough to be dealing with her own heart flutterings, though not towards Carla, and Carla is a big girl anyways. She can handle herself, or so Vanessa tells herself. In any case, she still worms her way into Vanessa's life without her always having the guts to refuse her. Some days, she doesn't manage to keep Carla entirely out of her mom's way and they start to talk − and Vanessa is not wholly unhappy with the impact it has on her mother, though much is still left to work on.

 

A few times, and Vanessa is ashamed to be so ineffectual at enforcing the boundaries she had initially demanded, they hang out without even having sex, some day where Carla is under the weather or sick, or when one of them is on her period. It could be friendship, Vanessa knows, and it is, friendship with benefits, but she knows and sees the hidden glances Carla gives her when she thinks Vanessa doesn't notice. She sees that her rules of no feelings might not be as respected on Carla's part as on hers. It's a tiny gradual change, day by day, but Vanessa feels like she sees where it's heading and she's not one for this kind of change. She's not a routine girl by any means, doesn't mind switching things up, but there are things that must stay the same and her bed is not up for rose petals, her heart not for grabbing, not right now.

 

Every morning for as many years as she's worked at the salon and probably a few before that too, Vanessa has grabbed a cup of coffee from the De la Vega Bodega next to the salon. The coffee is good, it's right next to work, it's practical. It doesn't hurt that she gets it for free.

 

"I like your, erm…" Usnavi says, stumbling upon his words. "Your thing, you know."

 

He gestures vaguely around his neck and Vanessa hides a smile behind her coffee cup. That is a secret bonus that no one else gets to know about. The door chimes open behind her as Usnavi smiles stupidly, sheepishly.

 

" _Scarf_ ," he breathes out in relief. "I love your scarf. It's, er, it's very beautiful."

 

Vanessa looks down at her scarf, some cheap red thing, and smiles back. Her smile turns to ice when she feels Daniela's perfectly manicured hand clutching her shoulder.

 

"Sí," she says, "Vanessa is very beautiful."

 

Vanessa thinks she sees a light blush spreading across Usnavi's cheeks as he mumbles something about how this was not what he said. In the back of her mind, she hopes and thinks it probably was a little bit what he meant, but she shuts her mouth and goes to work, followed by a very knowing Daniela who relishes in the sword she's now holding above Vanessa's head. Her smile is that of a shark about to close its jaws on its prey.

 

"Carlita," she calls out to Carla, who arrives at work a few minutes later. "Did you know Usnavi is wooing someone?"

 

"Oooh," Carla peeps, her lovely little smile at her lips and Vanessa wants to disappear into the entrails of the world right now. "Tell me more, tell me more!"

 

"Dani, don't!"

 

Daniela's grin turns wicked.

 

"Oh, you _would_ say that," she says, and turns back to Carla. "Our boy has a little crush on Vanessa."

 

There's a split second where Vanessa can see plain on Carla's face the shock of this announcement. _It's not true_ , she wants to say, _none of this is true,_ but she hates that she's not even sure why she would say that, why she feels the need to justify herself. Because there is nothing between her and Usnavi? Or because she wouldn't want Carla to think there is?

 

"¿De verdad?" Carla asks, hiding the hurt behind a polite smile. "Well, I'm… I'm happy for you…"

 

"There's nothin'," Vanessa grunts and gets to work. "Nothin' at all."

 

There _is_ something to the way Usnavi smiles at her, and how her heart skips a beat when their fingers brush across the coffee cup in the morning, not to mention that bet they still have going on. Vanessa will leave this shitty place and she might just miss one person from this horrid block when she does. Judging by what she just saw of Carla, though, she thinks that she might be missed than more than just the corner bodega guy. And that the time has come to cut the cord to those hopes.

 

"Hey, er, Carla," she calls out as Carla is about to make her way out with Daniela. "Mind if we walk together?"

 

Daniela throws them an odd glance which Vanessa tries not to answer with a glare, but says nothing. Carla looks at her, then at Daniela, and awkwardly trots to Vanessa, muttering some apologies to Daniela.

 

"I thought you didn't want Daniela to be suspicious," she whispers to Vanessa as soon as they're out of Daniela's ear range.

 

Vanessa walks briskly, her hand fidgeting with the seam of her skirt. She hates to be doing this. She hates to, but after a day of mulling over the rules she first established a few months ago, she knows that they have broken half of them, that Carla was willing to break the rest, and that there are only two ways through this situation. In or out. She could probably ask Carla out at this point, and she's seen the way Carla hid her disappointment, her hurt feelings this morning. She thinks she has a pretty clear idea of what Carla might answer to that. But then, Usnavi's smiles and his coffee and his weird hair sticking up when Sonny pulls off his hat to mess with him… Vanessa knows she has no future with either of them because she has no future, period, not in the Heights, but if she had to imagine…

 

"We're stopping this," she says abruptly. _Like a band-aid_. "The… _this_ , the hookups, whatever it is. It stops now."

 

She breathes, dares to look at Carla only to find that she has stopped a few steps ago. Vanessa hates this, hates that she can't just from one day to the next stop seeing Carla, but then she'd ask questions and Vanessa doesn't feel like answering any.

 

"Was this something I…" Carla sniffles and Vanessa tells herself that this decision ought to have come so much earlier, maybe before this whole mess even began. "Did I do something?"

 

"C'mon," Vanessa says, quickly taking back those few steps to take Carla's arm, rubbing it up and down. "You did nothing wrong, just… It's not working out."

 

"Is it because I'm… you know…"

 

"What? No, it's not because of anything! Look, I… I don't wanna anymore. That's it. It's nothing you did."

 

She wants to leave for home now, to let Carla handle her own damn feelings herself like any adult should, but Carla has turned her a little bit soft and she settles for a hug. Carla latches onto it like she hasn't been touched in years.

 

"You're gonna be just fine," Vanessa says into Carla's hair. "You're gonna find an amazing girlfriend and she's gonna be hot and smoking and you're gonna have puppies."

 

Carla squeezes her tight and Vanessa lets her.

 

"Promise?" She asks in her squeaky emotional voice.

 

"Promise," Vanessa replies.

 

When she comes home, her mom is doing crosswords on the couch, legs tucked under her, reading glasses on. She looks up and smiles at Vanessa. _One of her good days._ Vanessa fakes a smile back.

 

"Hey mom," she says, dropping her coat on the back of a chair.

 

"Hey kitten," her mom replies, patting the couch beside her. "You had a good day?"

 

"Sure," she shrugs.

 

Her mom puts down the crosswords. There's no beer bottles around the coffee table as there so often is and the floor looks like it's been vacuumed.

 

"Oh, don't be like that," she says. "Come here, give your mami a kiss."

 

Vanessa reluctantly leans in and accepts the embrace her mom offers. She smells like fresh soap. Laundry day. And shower day, which is rarer than it should as well.

 

"Is Carla not here tonight? I wanted to tell her I've…" Vanessa tenses and disentangles herself from her mom's arms. "What is it?"

 

Vanessa stands up, takes a few steps towards her room, her hand lingering on the top of an armchair. Her heart is beating hard, from… shame? Regret? Or neither of those things, just sadness that a chapter of her life has been turned, no matter how inevitable the decision was.

 

"Carla's not gonna be around much anymore," she says eventually.

 

There's a few seconds of silence and Vanessa is afraid to pair that emptiness with looking at her mom, whatever other sort of emptiness she might find on her face.

 

"Oh," comes the simple reply. "That's too bad. She was so sweet."

 

"Yeah," Vanessa sighs but a smile comes at her lips. "Yes, she is."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! And if this pairing is something you'd be interested in for other stories as well.


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